Earlier this year, I decided I was going to try and sort my health out a bit. This wasn’t any kind of ‘weight-loss journey’ waffle, it was legit concern about my health.

For this, we need to travel back a couple of years. Small-Me was about 2 and I was skinny as fuck. I mean, 8 stone of skinny. Now, I’ve never in my life been a slim bird. Prior to having Small-Me, I was a solid size 12-14 and 100% not arsed about it whatsoever. As a short lass, that size wasn’t especially flattering on me, but I’ve never been bothered about that stuff in any way shape or form. I was happy enough, and really, the more of me, the better, right?

I jest.

Anyhow, I got bigger whilst up the duff, as you do, and then once I popped, that didn’t change drastically. But then, strangely, something unexpected happened. After a while, I started to drop in size. And again, and again, until one day I realised I’d skinnied-out at around 8stone 9oz.

This was fucking unheard of for me, but what made me more concerned is that I wasn’t actually trying to lose weight. In fact, I was on a robust menu of three Chinese takeaways a week, the odd Pizza thrown in for good measure and not much else in between.

I went to the doctors (obviously thinking I was dying of Googlematosis) and everything seemed to be alright, other than the fact I was bonier than Skeletor’s gooch. I was also extremely nackered, which isn’t unusual for me (more on that later), but I realised that although I was suddenly slim, I felt incredibly unhealthy.

Ironically, this was around the time that people started to compliment me on how good I looked…or that I’d ‘disappeared’. Now, I know a lot of people crave that shit, but such feedback made me feel extremely uncomfortable – and before anyone starts piping up with ‘shut up Ar, wish I had that problem’, you can go right ahead and clam the fuckety fuck up, because you’d feel exactly the same if someone turned around to you and chirped up with ‘Oh my God, you’ve BALLOONED! You look so big now!’

Wouldn’t you?

Increasingly frustrated, I began to ask around if anyone knew ways of putting on weight, or building up strength. People just didn’t get it, and all I got was a lot of eyerolling and comments about not knowing how lucky I was. Fuck you, bitches at toddler group. There’s nowt lucky about waking yourself up in the night cos you’ve rolled onto your own actual pelvis and thought you’d been knifed in the box by your own bones, trust me.

So, after months of eating unadulterated shite in a bid to try and get back up to a healthy feeling size, I realised that I had to start going about this properly. So, I tentatively began researching ways to get my body healthy and fit again….

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