Yep, Mumsnet slang. It’s the first topic in the #shitorlegit series and I’m fairly certain it’ll be met with a mixed reception, but hey – YOLO.
For those of you not in the loop (and its a fucking dreadful loop, make no mistake), I’m about to take you on a journey through time, space and birth boards as we ponder the question of shit or legit. The life of a pregnant woman/new mother is complex enough, but here on the internet we like to take things one step further, linguistically speaking.
Apparently, the lairs of Mumsnet/Netmums/Babycentre dwellers are reserved specifically for those with the mental stones to decipher such code as ‘WYOO’, ‘DD1′, DS2’, ‘DTD’ and so on and so forth. Still lost? Full sentences are just SO uncool, you guys. Ugh.
Dipping my swollen toes into the water of the online pregnancy world a few years ago, I first encountered this alien lingo via some Babycentre birth boards. Mumsnet came later…there are some dreadful little cockgoblins on there, but that’s another post entirely. Anyways, surfing through such joyous topics as ‘help…strange discharge’ and ‘is it normal to eat dog food while pregnant?’, I encountered a whole array of acronyms that seemed way too lazy to actually be real.
DD – ‘darling daughter’ (vom)
DS – ‘darling son’ (really)
DTD – ‘do the deed’ (JUST SAY SEX FFS)
BM – ‘bowel movement’ (again, poo is fine)
CM – ‘cervical mucus’ (because obviously that’s too gross to actually type. Oh, wait)
DH – ‘darling husband’ (the irony of this when most posts are distinctly un-darling like)
AF – ‘Aunt Flo’ (PERIOD. THE WORD IS PERIOD)
POAS – ‘pee on a stick’ (I literally wish I was kidding but no seriously, POAS)
AIBU – ‘am I being unreasonable? (possibly not but you’re certainly being a prick)
WYOO – ‘what’s your opinion on’ (fuck me, honestly)
I could go on. But you get the gist. Some of them I had to actually fucking Google, they were that difficult to work out. But realistically, if you’re old enough to have sex and be pregnant, then I’m fairly sure you’re old enough to type out the words ‘pregnancy test’ without having to resort to such lexical bullshit as ‘POAS’. It’s just fucking lazy. And weird. Oh so very, very weird.
It seems trivial, but you try making your way through a Mumsnet thread which is peppered with these acronyms and see if you don’t want to scream into a pillow after about five minutes. SRSLY HUN. I am not a fan of this bullcrap at all. Just use English. Plain old English. We’ve got an unreal language, can we use it please?
I’ve probably missed a load of the more annoying ones out too, so if you can think of any of them, stick em in the comments below.
Mumsnet Slang – #shit.
(definitely not legit.)
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